Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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