dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
