Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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