i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
