Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize