if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He passed out mid-signature
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
