my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I didn't notice because vodka
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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