Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
