Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
