I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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