So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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