I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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