apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this boner is exhausting
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
