Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there's paper in my vomit.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
