I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
