Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
