I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
