The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
