my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
