Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
