Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
