my vag is so smooth its legendary
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
