apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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