My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
