i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
