The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
