Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
