Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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