Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Im part way to drunk.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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