do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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