And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
