I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
MIDGETS
????
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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