guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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