i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
