I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
