What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
