Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
