I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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