The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
