i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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