yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize