i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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