At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
