i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
