I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My vagina is officially offended.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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