Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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