Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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