I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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