Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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