Umm I'm too high to move.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
