I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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