she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How naked do you want me to be?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
