I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
