no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize