he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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