3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize