I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
