This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
