at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
