its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
