NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
