And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
