He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
