never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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