I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
