Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
