considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
