we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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