I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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