I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
