I hate your face
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
