He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
