Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
