We named our party play list daddy issues
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
